"I · won't · worry · my · life · away"

YOUR SPY NAME: (middle name and current street name)
Mary Eastlawn
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your dad's side, your favorite candy)
Helen Peeps (?!?!?!)

3. YOUR RAP NAME: (first initial of first name, first three or four letters of your last name)
J-Mic

4. YOUR GAMER TAG: (a favorite color, a favorite animal)
Bluepug

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Mary Oxford

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
MicKozEmm

7. JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)
yram kihcazok

8. PORN STAR NAME: (first pet's name, the street you grew up on)
Daisy Tanview

9. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automobile your mom drives)
The Blue Vibe (hahahahahhaha)

10. YOUR ACTION HERO NAME:(first name of a main character in the last movie you watched, last food you ate)
Darth Helmet Chicken (hahahahah)

1. Who are you, what's our relationship?
2. How long have you known me?
3. Tell me one thing you think is good about me?
4. When you first saw me, what was your impression?
5. Have you ever had a crush on me?
6. Describe me in 3 words?
7. Do you think I'm hott?
8. How would you describe me to someone?
9. Would you ever date me? If you have would u do it again?
10. What do you like most about me?
11. If we could spend a day together what would we do?
12. Do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years?
13. What reminds you of me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Are you going to put this on your lj and see what I say about you?
16. Do I cross your mind at least once a day?

I want to get a puppy. Well, I want to get a pug. I miss having a pug around the house...it was so much fun. Emma was like my daughter, and I know I can never have her again, so I really want to get one. Oh well. One day I guess I'll have a house and can get a puppy...I just wish I could get one now

UGH

I am fed up!

I cannot handle how I am feeling - I have no control over my emotions or the issues I am facing, especially regarding some of my body issues...

I also cannot take when people get ANGRY with me and turn their backs on me because of it...Do you REALLY think I WANT to feel like I do? Do you really think i want to loathe myself all the time like I do??? NO....

This rant applies to no one that has livejournal...like most of my rants..

I just can't take it...I hate myself...and the way someone treats me because of it makes it worse....ugh...

Maybe i'm just doomed to be unhappy...

I can't believe it's already sunday afternoon...I have SO much work to get done!

Had a great weekend...have been working out lately and that's really lifted my spirits...

had a blast at the dream cruise party...another one has come and gone...

Now, time to work...on the weekend...and not ever get paid

so, my life is pretty much crumbling before my eyes...and I'm not sure how exactly it is or why it is. It's interesting, I read sarah's post, and i am with you on some of it...I want to escape - but, if I really had alone time, I'd probably drive myself crazy with my thoughts...

I am supposed to be so happy, but instead I break down in tears every day, can't get myself out of bed...crawl in to bed at 8pm every night, and make Joe miserable...I dread waking up every morning to face the world, but know I have to...

I couldn't even tell you specifically what is causing this...I am just so depressed and I feel so utterly alone. This is not a shot at my wonderful friends. I KNOW that they are there, but there is still that feeling that it is only me...I feel trapped in some ways, and then in other ways completely just out there...

I am hitting the point where I just don't know what to do...I don't function like a normal person anymore, I'm completely scattered...the depression (I don't even know if that's what it is, but it is a convienient blanket term) has affected every aspect of my life...I can't even pretend to be happy anymore...

ah.

AHHH, when i'm at work, I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day to get things done...Since i'm only here 3 days a week...i just feel overwhelmed...And then I get so overwhelmed that I jump from project to project and never seem to get a solid thing down....AHHHH

On a different work-related note, the job I applied for at Macomb CC was revised and reposted...The posting closes on Aug 15, so I am hoping to hear back by the end of August as to whether or not I have an interview...I really have a good feeling about this one...

I guess right now I am just a giant ball of stress...I don't have fun anymore...even when I try to have fun, I don't have fun. I don't know what to do anymore...This is supposed to be such a thrilling, happy time in my life...and I feel like I'm about to snap...

So, I was sick of how long my hair was...it just was a mess...so, in an effort to actually look pretty, I had it cut...at grondins..not a salon...BIG MISTAKE

She did a huge hack job...it's even the woman i like there...i almost cried this morning...(i guess it took time to really set in)...granted, i've cried about everything the last couple days...(ladies, you understand!)

On another note...if any of you know a job opening, let me know...I don't like Joe's work...I don't like the way he feels when he gets home from there...so, I want him to find something new (not in a pushy fiance type way, but in a very upset, sympathetic type way)...so, keep your ears open!

I want to see you folks....let me know if any of you are free comin up...linds, i know you have stuff this friday and saturday...i'll email you!

Love you all...

well, had my tests today..

they found lots of my extra heartbeats, but during my stress test they went away the more my heart rate increased, the less the frequency of the extra heartbeats were...and said that was good

They didn't tell me anything about my echocardiogram..they're sending that to my dr. I would think that if the technician had noticed anything REALLY wrong they would have said something (you'd hope)

...so, yeah, lets hope i just have all these extra heartbeats and chest pains just because!!! I think it's alllll okay!

Jean

Okay, I'll do my up-dater now too, then!

Had a ... weekend... Was nice, but nothing exciting...

Work is super busy right now (yet I still have the time to update...hmmm) I have a lot of responsibilities, and feel slightly overwhelmed, but that's okay...everything will get done, and it will all get done well!!

Getting my ring sized tonight. Yay! It'll finally fit and i won't be able to fling it off my finger by talking with my hands!!! hehehe

Tomorrow is my stress test and echocardiogram (okay, why don't they just say ultrasound?) I had pretty bad chest pains friday, but the last few days have been pretty pain-free, so that's good!!! I am sure it's all fine...

My friend from OU, Heidi, asked me to be her maid of honor in her wedding January, so, that's awesome! we have been a bit out of contact for the last couple years, but, still an honor!

Just been some crazy days!

Oh, and the new Dane Cook CD is pretty funny, though I'm dissapointed because the DVD part isnt a new performance, it's just random clips...oh well...that's okay!

SOOOO SLEEPY! But, have a meeting in an hour, then running around!

BYE!

I guess it's been a few days...oh well...Life isn't too exciting on this end...More aggravating than anythings...

Let's update positively first though! Finished Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince...well, is that really a positive? It's leaving me NEEDING the 7th book, and that's going to be a looooooong time...For those of you who've finished it, we'll have to discuss! I won't be a LJ spoiler though in case people did not get to finish it...

Have to get some tests done Tuesday...Stress and Echocardiogram....Fun Fun...I'm terrified, but my mom is taking me, so that's good...Will be home monday night, but probably just relaxing and calming nerves (I know the tests aren't scary...it's the thought of the results) BUT, i'm sure it will all be fine...

Issues with friends are ever growing (Not any of you! I love you all!!!) It's those goofy out-of-staters that make me so angry I could scream! Oh well, one of them made life choosing bridesmaids VERY easy...so now I just have to convince joe to get a third groomsman!!! I want three bridesmaids dammit!!!

In case you haven't heard...the wedding date is set for March 17, 2007 (yep, that's right, st. patty's day!) don't worry, it's a saturday..just think, you don't have to try to get everyone to go to the bar! you'll all be getting plastered at my wedding! Woohoo!!!

I dunno...just felt lonely lately...like many of you have....I miss SO many of those good times we used to have (am I breaking out in song here??) I am desperately in need of seeing my friends, and life is so hectic right now (esp. with stuff next week) that it is very difficult...but, i'm bound and determined! Especially because i need to see kevin and linds' place!!!!

Alright, enough is enough...

So, I find it entertaining the people think longevity = good friendship. This pertains, as usual, to no one who has livejournal. Instead it pertains to an OU "friend." He or she is continually getting upset about the fact that apparently his or her friends are not living up to his or her expectations. (I realize I shouldn't bother coding this post, but hey) - I am sorry that apparently the rest of the world is not living up to their expectations (what is this, bad grammar in an effort to conceal identity???) of friendship. APPARENTLY I am not the only "friend" who is oh so awful in this person's life. APPARENTLY it is a wide variety of the friends of this person doing all of these things to him or her.

Hmm.. Let's think about this for a moment. Can it really be true that every single one of his or her friends is really that horrible to him or her? Really? All of them? OR, should we be looking more at the common denominator in the situation that is causing rifts in these friendships...DING DING DING! By George, I think i've got it! Why are people so willing to point the finger and place blame about ALL of their friendships being bad without even stopping to think for ONE MINUTE that they may be the cause of some of it. I am usually quite the opposite and place the blame on myself before anyone else...NOT THIS PERSON...apparently he or she is the best friend in the world, and the rest of us just suck...

WELL, I happen to find this quite entertaining, to be totally honest. I will say one thing about weddings, they really help you sort out who your real friends are. And for that, I am thankful. I don't need to waste my time and energy on people that in the end will hurt my feelings all the time.